TV Gold: Episode 1 – Three Networking Tips from "Ugly Betty"

Unless you work in the business, it's easy to forget that TV characters aren't actually coming up with the words they say.  The silliest characters on TV are written by sharp people behind the scenes – and writing for TV isn't an easy job to get!  That's why when character Marc St. James starts rattling off networking tips in the middle of an Ugly Betty episode, I sit up and take notes.  You can bet good money that it's coming from someone who has had to network quite a bit just to be able to write the scene.  Besides, I'm new to New York – I need as much free advice as I can get!

Even if you don't know much about Ugly Betty, these tips will still work fine for you!  It's a fun, campy little show that unfortunately ended in 2010, so if you're like me and missed the original air on ABC, I recommend watching all four seasons on Netflix.  If you are familiar with the show, you'll have fun with it.  This post references Season 3, Episode 11.

On to the tips!

Marc leads his advice session with the following: 
"The point of networking is to gather information to advance your career." 
Basically, don't spend twenty-two minutes and forty-seven seconds talking to the caterer unless you're trying to make your way in the food industry.  (Although as the episode later shows, that relationship may come in handy when you get in a snafu involving conniving rivals and a stolen dress.)

Step 1: Forge a bond.  
Give your name, where you work, and one memorable fact.  For example, "Hi, I'm Marc St. James, I work for Wilhelmina Slater.  I once had a threesome with Jon Hamm and Mia Hamm, I called it the night of the Hamm Sandwich."  Ridiculous?  Yes.  Memorable? Absolutely yes.  A lie?  ...Probably.  Okay, yes.  But the memorable is what counts!


Step 2: Gathering information.  
In order to get info, you're going to have to give info.  The trick is to make it sound juicy but really mean nothing.  According to Marc, Heidi Klum never wears open toed shoes because she has 12 toes.  Like oh my God, is that true?  Who knows?  Who cares!  Just share, share, share – the more scandalous-sounding, the better.  Everyone loves to be in on a good secret.


Step 3: The exit strategy.  
The final and most important step.  "Get in, get info, get out," says Marc.  There's no particularly kind way to do this.  Even being honest and showing your exit card is a risky move.  Just be as gracious as you can, and trust the other person will understand.  After all, chances are you're both there for the same reasons.


So let's get real here.  These tips may sound callous, and calculating, and all around rude, but I suppose that's the nature of the beast.  Keep in mind that there is a certain art to networking that no list of tips can offer.  Once we're doing it right, once we're forming real relationships in our industries, it won't feel like this at all.  For now, we have Marc St. James and the writers of Ugly Betty to help us fake it 'til we make it.






Regardless of all the ruthless networking you're going to have to do, we're all just trying to make it. Share these tips with your friends. ;)

On the Subway

I wish I could read people's minds. 


Not to know their innermost thoughts, not find all their secrets. People can keep their secrets – it makes them feel more interesting.  But I wish I could read minds so I could comfortably give a dollar to the man who claims to be hungry.  I want to know without a doubt that my dollar is going to buy the man a banana. Or an orange. Or a carton of french fries, it doesn't have to be nutritious. 


I just moved to New York City, and there are so many people here are asking for help, lowering themselves to beg the common man for aid, yet I and my 8 million other city dwelling counterparts rarely give a beggar any more than a sympathetic smile, if that.  We can't do anything but guess whether an act of kindness will help or hurt them. Is this guy really a US army vet recently back from Iraq and down on his luck?  How the hell do any of us know?  I just wish I could read minds! 


I want to be able to tell the difference between two homeless men who look so similar that I base my judgement on surface clues that may or may not be relevant.  I want to be able to tell their sadnesses apart, because God, these men look so sad. 


We see them everyday, sometimes alone, sometimes with two or three kids, sometimes limping, and sometimes without legs.  I doubt many people can tell a worthy person from a bum.  How do we look a gaggle of poorly dressed little boys and girls in their innocent, wide eyes and say, "I'm sorry, I can't give you this dollar because it's tough to tell if mommy is going to eat it or snort it. Understand?"  


Fairly, one might argue that there are programs and shelters for people in need, and there are other channels to support the deserving people who could use a little help.  Sometimes it's just crushing to wonder if in any other world, we could tell the difference.


A revolution is probably the last thing on my mind, but sometimes I do want to change the world.